Pixie Dust

If we are being honest, which we always are, this last year has been hard for me. Harder than I thought it would be. For the first time in my life, I had gained real freedom. College relieved me of a bedtime, chore list, and curfew (which was wonderful). Yet, it also left me with a sense of instability, a lack of goodnight hugs paired with their genuine 'I love you's , and the feeling that I was not known. I guess that this is the price I have to pay for having good parents; I miss them when they are not around. Sometimes I wish that I could bottle up this feeling of home that I have right now. I'd carry it with me throughout my life and sprinkle it around when I feel like a little girl who just misses her mom and dad. I'd be like Tinker Bell with her pixie dust. Maybe then I wouldn't live in the tension between the siren call of adventure and the warmth of a true home. 

In two days I go on perhaps what is the biggest adventure of my life; I head to Lakeside Montana. For a few weeks I will be in Montana, and for a few weeks I will be in Thailand. I get to grow my musical ability while living in some of the most beautiful places in the world. And I get to see what God is up to around the globe. I am kindly anticipating His presence. I miss having the freedom to spend hours in my Father's presence without term papers and exams fogging up my view. I miss the sense of home that is in His love. I cannot wait to see how He shows me, yet again, that He is in love with me. That all will be well. And that He burns for other people to know this simple truth: they are unfathomably loved. Ahhhhh! My Jesus so SO good. Whoever you are, reading this, trust that you are loved. That little quirk that you think makes you weird, makes Jesus so happy. And the things in your life that are harder than you thought they'd be are an opportunity for you to invite Him into the mix and watch as He pours out his peace and joy lavishly. Jesus really is the best friend that you could ever have.

And He knows that I am living in a tension. I just returned home for summer, and now I am leaving home. Again.

 It is hard, that's for sure.

 It's hard when I watch my brother practice cool tricks on his skateboard, and wonder what he will have mastered when I get back. It's hard when my sister and I realize that Queen was the best band to have ever existed and wish that we had time to drive with the windows down and the volume up. Will Bohemian Rhapsody still be her favorite song when I get back? And it was hard when I watch an episode of The Office with my family and everyone laughed wildly at the same dorky thing that Michael did when I thought 'it doesn't get much better than this'. 

Because really in some ways, it doesn't.

Yet, I know the one who called me. I know that I will kick myself later if I do not go on this trip now. If I do not open my hand to the Lord and tell Him to have His way in my life, I will end up controlling and contriving my life to be a way that it was never meant to be: safe. I have decided that I will never settle for something because it is comfortable. Because it is safe. Not that comfort is bad, but it is not what makes life worth living. My true heart's desire is to be close to the Lord. To be a kind friend to Him. And to give Him my whole life. I know that I know that I know that I know that He has good plans for this missions trip. And I am so thankful that He has chosen me to be a part of His beautiful story. 

And you know something, friend, you are too.
You are part of His wildly beautiful and unexpected story.

My Family :)