On-brand you

Middle school was hard. Right? Middle school was just hard, for all of us. I think it’s because, all of sudden, things mattered. It mattered what brand shoes you wore. It mattered how smart you were. It mattered who you were friends with. There was no beauty in our differences yet, It was all conform. Conform, conform, conform. And to what? Being something and somebody you probably weren’t. Because, let’s be honest, thirteen year olds aren’t commonly renowned for their sense of  self and confidence.

13 year old me 

I’ve been doing some unearthing and discovery around my 22 year old tendencies to conform. These days I feel the pressure, not to wear a certain brand of shoe, but to be a certain brand of woman. The kind of woman whose house is clean. Whose Michelin star level dinner is cooked. Whose tan hand is holding a cappuccino somewhere in Italy. Whose relationships are out-of-this-world romantic. A woman whose abs are as chiseled as her cheek bones. To be a woman whose life is full of beautiful things. 

22 year old me

And, my life is full of beautiful things. Just not the beautiful things my middle-school-obsessive-conforming thoughts crave. The lie here is that if I can just be that brand of woman I will be loved and blissful. It always comes down to being loved (and blissful), doesn’t it? But, the opposite tends to happen. When we spend our lives trying to get something we don’t have, we miss the beauty of what we already have. We become dissatisfied and not-so-blissful on the inside. We can spend our lives pining for aesthetics and people that will never be ours. Or (even worse) we can get those things only to realize that they aren’t like fairy godmothers and they don’t poof you into feeling loved and blissful.

So, how do we live contented lives? How do we see beauty in our every day? 

Thankfulness.

My good pal Amanda

If every good and perfect gift comes from above, then God must be present in my life. I’ve got so much to be thankful for. Chances are, you do too. Maybe it’s that friend that randomly calls at just the right times. That pet that snuggles up next to you. That spouse who loves you unconditionally. That trail you can’t wait to walk again. Those podcasts that make you laugh. That outfit you love. These are the little things. They show you God’s heart for you. In my life, God’s heart towards me has been a steadfast and safe place. My deepest feelings of security and being known come from him. I’m loved and (frequently) blissful.

The little creek by my house