Seasonal

Life is full of seasons. Some are seasons of summer and friends and campfires and jokes. Some are seasons of break-ups and tears and car-crashes and funerals. Ya, that one was pretty rough. But I'm beginning to see that each is beautiful in its own way. And each is essential to this experience we call life.

Its the in-between times that really get me lately. Its the wondering of 'is the next season going to be painful?' And that makes me anxious. Oddly enough, when the bad things really do happen, I am able to weather through them.
It's like when you stand in line for a scary ride at the sketchy fair and you are all nervous. Then after riding it you say to your friend, 'hey we didn't die, lets do it again!'
Then you get nervous waiting in line for the ride the second time. Because, what if you do die this time? What if your seatbelt doesn't buckle all the way and you fly out of the harness during the loop-di-loop falling to your death in front of a child who is eating cotton candy...

I am learning that its important to let ourselves feel that standing in-line anxiousness (as in feelings connected to life events, not chemical imbalances). I'm trying not to label feelings of anxiety as bad or scary before stuffing them away. I'm feeling them for a bit. They mean I am human. They mean I care. They mean I'm present.

And, in my very limited experience, after acknowledging and embracing them, they tend to quiet down.

I think my nervousness eventually fades because deep down I know there is something fulfilling about the heart wrenching times. I don't know what it is. And I don't know why it is, but life feels fuller after pain. And I feel older, in the good way.

Right now is beautiful. And whatever is next will be too. That is one thing I  am certain of.

But like hopefully my seatbelt stays fastened and cotton candy isn't forever ruined for that poor child.